Helping Parents Parent

One book Hildegard wanted us to read was “Helping Parents Practice”, by Edmund Sprunger. He makes several points in his book, but one that he comes back to over and over is that one of a kid’s most basic needs is to know that their parents love them, and will look after them. A lot of things that a kid does, or does not do, are motivated by their interest in not looking bad in their parent’s eyes. One thing he talks about is not trying new things. If you try something, and fail, then maybe you aren’t good enough and your Mom will stop loving you. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but the more we watch the Maestro do things like sing and dance and do actions and hand-motions along with a group, the more we can see that it applies to him. One of the consequences of this is that the best way to get a kid to freeze up in a cello practice is to criticize them. Everything must be positive. If there is any criticizing that needs to be done, let the teacher do it. They are more likely to “get away with it” in that the child will listen. It’s not that the child cares more what the teacher thinks, it’s that the child cares LESS what the teacher thinks. I’ve noticed Riley applying this to their practices together, but also in many other things that they do together, from putting shoes on in the morning to picking up toys before bed. It has really helped their relationship. Since he brought the Cello home, there haven’t been any days that have been filled with power struggles all afternoon.